Pages

Saturday, January 28, 2017

A humble plea to bullet riders - From a drooling onlooker


Till today I haven't encountered a person who is not impressed by Bullet. The "dug dug dug" sound like beat of a thunderous drums creates an amazing illusion of an impressive rider on the amazing beast. 
 
Before I let you on to my plea let me tell you a bit about the beast you ride with pride. Way back in 1955 The Indian Government looked for a suitable motorcycle for its police and army for patrolling the country's border. The Royal Enfield Bullet was chosen as the most suitable bike for the job. 

You are riding a bike used in many military operations and even in WW II. So please hear a plea of a humble drooling onlooker before you ride on in your pride.

Every bullet rider might not be a bike enthusiast but every biker is a bullet enthusiast. And also every onlooker who gives you a look while you drive with that patented "potato potato" sound blasting through your bike. 

By a unconscious consensus there are certain etiquette you have to follow if you are riding a bullet so that it won't lead to a disappointing cringe worthy reactions from the people you are trying to impress. 


1. Don't, Oh please DO NOT wear flashy clothes while you are riding a Bullet. Its a magnificent vehicle. Like the mysterious, powerful, brooding tall dark handsome guy in any girl's dream. Don't spoil the image with you flashy-underwear peeking- hot-pants.  

2. Do Not Break Rules while on Bullet. Being on bullet commands a respect, when you stand among the traffic its like the tiger entering the jungle council meeting. They just give way, So don't try tricks of Hyena. 

3. Do Not Spit, eve tease or generally do any work to bring shame to your bike. Other bikes might be accessories to the person. But you are the accessory to The Bullet. 

4. Having, Possessing or even riding a bullet suggests you are a person with well balanced thinking power. To command a bullet means you are in the next step of your life. Don't spoil that image with your cringe worthy disgusting habits like being rude and self absorbed #%$%^# on road

5. If a woman is looking at you while you are on your bullet .. 99 % of the time they are drooling at the bullet. Don't act smart. Revel in the bask of their attention. Someday you might encounter that 1% who will be impressed by you because of the bullet

6. Keep your impressive beast in immaculate condition. There is nothing off-putting than a dirty looking bullet. Give it some tender caring love. They serve you well 

7.  Don't do unpatriotic things while being a Bullet rider. Remember it was first brought to the country to be used by Army and Police. Have some respect towards its legacy

So as a crazy fan of Bullet, this is my humble request.

P.S.: Girls... Ride as you wish.. you rock as it is 😊😊

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Confessions 12 - contentment


His

This, this moment is the best time of my life. If there was a god above and he decided that today at this moment I will take my last breath. I am happy to do that.

I know you don’t know this, maybe you won’t even notice it. And maybe future has more beautiful moments for me. But this moment, right now is the best till now.

You sitting there on the ledge, full moon to your back, the roar of the waters in the background, me standing here with a plate full of love and feeding you dinner.

You are telling a story, I may never remember that in future. Because I will remember all the other details of the night. Your swinging legs which are bumping into me, your sparkling eyes looking at me, the naughty smile on your lips when you see me smile, the fragrance of you enveloping me in your magic and most of all the childlike quality with which you are eating from my hands and the amazing feel in my heart when am feeding you with my hands.

I don’t know why you asked me for this. I don’t want to think why. I don’t want to think if this is going somewhere, if it meant anything, if it is leading to something big, are we becoming something else. Because all I want to feel is this happiness I am feeling when you sigh with content after every bite.

Maybe this is what they call as contentment. Where the past is not nagging you, the future is not worrying you and you are just here in this moment, feeling it with all your heart and body.

Her

Wow the feel, being pampered must be the ultimate pleasure of life. I know what you are thinking or not thinking. I knew you wouldn’t say no to this request. But I know you will never ask me why, what, how etc. You are just there in this moment. If I could say, I would say, maybe someday I will say, this moment, right now is bliss. The full moon, the sound of the waves, the light breeze and sitting in this perfect place with you feeding me with your hands. Wow….

The happiness on your face is brighter than that moonlight, but believe me its me who is more happy. This is a girl’s ultimate dream, someone who loves them so much that they pamper them beyond reason. Who knew eating from your hands will be so magical. I touch your hair once in a while in between the bites and my words and I see the warmth that pools in your eyes. I know you love me, maybe you will not tell me until I will coax it out of you. But not right now, right now is perfect.

I have always wondered how is that I feel so cherished and secure with you. Like am worth it… no like you are worth me. But I will stop thinking now, I just want to feel this moment. This moment which is calming my ever running mind and settling down my heart with this warmth. A warmth I didn’t know till now that it existed out of my dreams.


Maybe this is what they call as contentment. Where the past is not nagging you, the future is not worrying you and you are just here in this moment, feeling it with all your heart and body.  

Friday, December 9, 2016

Confessions - 11 - seasonal friend

Google images

Journal entry - 372

I wonder what power he holds on me. I could never stop his arrival or his departure. He breaks my heart everytime and I swear I will never let him ... Everytime.

He comes when he wants, when he feels lonely. I asked him "Did you miss me?" and he replies "Once someone is yours, you will always  miss them"... I smiled within myself, only to notice later he never answered my question.

He has an alluring charm that I can't escape and to make matters worse when he is here I don't want to escape. And if you think for a moment that he pampers me and spoils me crazy while he is visiting. You can't be more wrong while I rectify you that he never opens his heart enough to show it to me. 

Oh he cares, I know he does, atleast I feel he does. Is that the only thread am holding onto?? 

I wonder how will he respond if he reads this. But then again I know how he will respond, he would say "everything is an illusion, the emotions, the love, the care .... illusion"

Oh I get the game now, or so I brazenly challenged him. But I really don't get it. Why does it has to be so vague while all you have to do is smile and care.

God forbid if he ever answers anything in normal way, it might just break the illusion and set me free.

Because while he is here he is all I think, he is all I want. He wreaks havoc in my  heart to disappear.. yet again. While I build everything back and still wait at the door for his return ....yet again. 

 "I don't know who you are still I come, You don't know who I am still you wait" was his answer. I wish I could just once say it to him.

"There are hundred places I wish I could be, yet I stand at the threshold and wait. I know you feel am vulnerable to misery because I open my heart to you. And I will assure you that its you who is more vulnerable because at least I have the courage to open my heart while you close yours and dwell alone. O' my seasonal guest, as you bring the short lived smiles to my life, I wish you would allow me to repay in kind. While you walk away I hope you find it in your heart to trust me once, while I wait for you here at the threshold of my heart" 

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Confessions - 10 doors

She stood watching the door he had just closed walking out. For a moment nothing worked, her brain, her body, her mind, her conscience.. even her breath had stopped. Then she took a long breath and everything started at a time. The explosions in her mind, the devastation in heart, the thundering thoughts in her brain. All she could do was stare at the closed door. 

Pain pierced through her soul like a hot knife through a wound. She struggled to breath, all she wanted to do was howl at the fate which made her stand here and feel this horrible feeling. But she couldn't produce a sound, even call his name. To call him back to her. 

She collapsed on the floor as her knees buckled. Held her midriff in a embrace so tight. The coldness of the situation was settling there and spreading everywhere. And finally a tear broke the barriers and rolled down. 

The gush of tears which flowed down her cheeks were unnoticed, as her heart cried out. The edge of the pain dulled to a throbbing ache in her heart, it was only then did her brain register the underlying boiling stream of anger pulsing through. She looked up towards the door as if she will burn it on the spot. She got up with a gusto and threw whatever her hands could find. She just wanted to destroy everything he touched  just like he destroyed her moments ago. But even after ravaging the whole room it was still not close to what she felt. 

She wiped her tears steeling herself to feel no pain, convincing herself that he is not worth it and got about to cleaning the room and repairing the damage she had done as much as it was possible. And walked towards the doors to open it to a new light, to a new life.

He stood outside those doors of that cursed room, where just a moment before his life ended. For a long moment no sound came through it and he shoved his hands into his pockets. Just to stop himself from opening those doors and run back to her.

After what seemed like an eternity her sobs sailed through those doors and he let out his breath which he didn't know he was holding. Her sobs which seemed like it was wrenched out of her soul by filled his heart with darkness. He chided himself, cursed himself and vowed to never love again. But still he couldn't do the one thing he wanted to do. To hold her his arms and say sorry, beg her to take him back, naming him a fool to let her go.

He sat down on the floor beside the door and a tear tumbled down. He didn't know how long he sat there or what he would do if she picked that moment to come out. He half wished she would do just that and half wished she wouldn't.

After what seemed like an eternity he heard the bang. His first instinct was she has harmed herself. He would never forgive himself if something happened to her. He got up in a hurry and was about to open the doors, when he heard the crash and her angry cry. He pulled back his hands which were hovering on the door knob. 

He knew it was time, time to go. He knew now she will be fine because now she will hate him. He knew she will live and live happily because now she will not grieve. He stood their listening to her anger, listening to the wreck he caused to her. His head hung in shame, his heart chided him. But his mind stood strong in its decision and he knew he has to walk away. The crashes and bangs stopped as he walked away from her door. He opened the main door to go out of her life and to never return back, as he was about to close the door behind him, he turned back to look at her door one last time. And both the doors clicked at the same time. 

(Excerpt from a story I am working on)

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

"Best Friend"



It was a mild evening with light breeze, the clouds were threatening a rainy night. And as usual Rakshith and Vani were seated at their favourite coffee shop, at their usual timings, having their usual cup of coffee and unwinding after a long day at work.

Neither ever found to fill up all the silence with chattering they were as comfortable with silence as with words. Sometimes they preferred silence more than words. It was jolt from a silent pondering when Rakshith's phone pinged.

He smiled apologetically while he looked at his message. As usual after checking his message he scrolled his facebook timeline and chuckled. Vani as usual knew he would do what he did and asked, "Who said what?"

He set his phone down and said, somebody has asked a question "What do you mean by "best friend"?

She smiled while sipping at her cup, both enjoying the companiable silence and the hot cuppa in hand.

As was their habit, today was her turn to pay for the coffee and his turn to drop her home. While he was taking the bike out, she asked "So .... what was your answer?"

He sat on the bike and thought for a moment like he knew the answers but he was searching for the words and then he said very nonchalantly  "Best friend is one whom we prefer over other friends"

She smiled indulgently and shrugged her shoulders.

On the way to her home he said "The one who knows you in and out". No answer from her, but he knew she was smiling.

When he dropped at her place and as she turned towards her home bidding him bye, his voice called her back "The one who can understand you better than all"

She nodded her head knowingly and waved him away.

Vani finished her nightly routine and while she was enjoying dinner with her family her phone pinged. A facebook notification that Rakshith commented "Best friend is the one who loves you no matter who you are. A companion in your smiles and a shoulder for your tears"

She smiled and turned her attention back to her mother.

After dinner while she was busy catching up with social media, her Watsapp pinged "The one whom you can be sure will never leave you or judge you. Who will know your emotions before expressing"

She sent him a smiley back.

At the commercial break between her usual T.V. news show, she scrolled her Instagram and saw a photo of herself with Rakshith posted with a tagline "My best friend, who can understand my silence and unfinished sentences"

She loved the pic and got back to her program.

As she got ready to bed, he called her. Before she could utter her hello he said "The one who guards you more than themselves, who loves even while hating you and who will never shy away in asking what is in your mind nor telling what is there in their mind. Actually who doesn't even need to ask, they will just know."

After a moment's silence he added softly "To tell you the truth, I can't explain best friend, I can't explain what you are to me. You just are my best friend. That's it. No explanation"

At this Vani couldn't hold back and she laughed out loud. She could sense his frown, knew that his eyebrows scrunched up and a hard glint in his eyes, his fingers will be plucking his bed-sheet while he waited for her to say something.

Finally Vani said in a voice full of smile "I just asked your opinion, you don't need to prove me anything. You were, are and will always be my best friend and I will always be yours"

She could sense smoothing of his frown and a smile laughing in his eyes while he said "Good night"

As usual he was the last person she talked to before falling asleep as he was always the first one to hear her voice.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Conscience calls

Where are my keys.... hmmm.. I had kept it in my purse I remember it ... well I can never get anything I am searching for ... its fate... I just.... Rachana's monologue trailed of as a memory for past just pushed itself to gain her attention.

"You are always losing things.. Its because you just don't focus on one thing... you are doing this, seeing that and thinking something else... "

She shook her head and snapped herself out of that memory. She didn't have time to dwell on it like usually she would love to do. The sky was overcast and she had to finish her weekly shopping and reach home before it started pouring.

"Forget the keys I will find it later... But why am I remembering him?!!!"

"Because you miss him"... Rachana wondered where did the voice come from. She turned in a circle standing in the grains aisle of the supermarket.

"My crazy imagination"

"Its not your imagination that is crazy, its you who is crazy because you are missing him"

Rachana was sure now that she is slowly going mad. "Uff, let me just focus on the work at hand. Do I need Rava?"

"No you don't need Rava. But you need to call him". Rachana turned around to see herself standing there smiling serenely.

"I don't know if you need Rava, But you definitely don't need him" Walked another version of her from behind the Serene Rachana smiling mysteriously.

"Wow.. Am definitely crazy, or having a nightmare. What's happening here.. This is exactly like in movies where your conscience splits in two to advise you in opposite opinions. Damn this is a crazy dream" Rachana wondered. She pinched herself hard and said "Wake up wake up wake up.."

"Ouch"

"Don't hurt yourself" said Serenity. "ha ha ha don't worry you are not mad" laughed Mystery.

"Am not waking up. Maybe its just my imagination. I should just ignore it and finish  my shopping" thought Rachana and turned around to walk away.

"I wonder if he is also going crazy like me" she wondered.

"Of course he is missing you" smiled serenity. While mystery sneered and answered "Oh stop it, don't mislead her. He is obviously enjoying himself".

Rachana walked away filling her basket with the items needed and not needed.

She was standing in shampoo section and her eyes filled up on their own while she struggled to control them. "I shouldn't cry. This is not the first time I was set aside. Mom and dad didn't miss me when I left for college. Sis didn't miss me after her marriage. Friends easily forget to invite me or even inform me about something. So why should I expect him to miss me." she waited against her better judgment to those two voices of opinion.

Serenity's voice was soft when she answered "That's not true. Everybody remembers you and miss you. Its just that you are not so forth coming in gaining attention. They don't want to disturb you that's all"

Mystery retorted angrily "You are the one who fills her mind with unwanted things. Look Rachana, we all are alone.. just nobody notices that"

Rachana winced at the brutal words but continued ignoring both of them and walked on. No matter how much she wanted she couldn't hold back the thought "But I miss him"

Instantly Serenity said "Of course you do, that's why you should call him. Don't be egoistic now"

Mystery replied in a strong voice "No, you shouldn't call, don't bend your pride. Your pride is very important, if you bend now, he will always expect you to bend. If he misses you, he will call"

Serenity said with unusual sternness "Well if even he was guided by his version of you, then he will also not call even if he is missing her more than life"

"Well if he doesn't then it is his lose. When he is the one who walked, he should be the one who comes back. If you ask me even if he comes back, you shouldn't take him back. Its not like Rachana can't find a better man"

Serenity's voice was smooth when she said "No relationship can sustain with stubbornness and bending a little of your pride to keep your bond intact is not like you are surrendering your soul"

Rachana understood serenity was addressing her but she studiously ignored both of them and went on. Even though her ears were tuned to hear what they were saying, she didn't want to acknowledge them in any way. 

But the idea of not seeing him ever or worse seeing and not able to behave as she always had made her throat close up. She wanted to cry so hard, just to put out all this out of her heart and breathe. But she willed herself to be strong. 

She didn't know if she got all she wanted, but she just wanted to get out of here. Wishing against hope that those two versions of her would just stay here leaving her alone. Rachana walked towards payment struggling to hold back her tears.

At that moment serenity spoke softly "Think what is more important, your love or your stubbornness. He....."

And mystery didn't let her finish and spoke in between "No, stop it, its because of you that she always bends. Rachana don't lose your self respect. Don't go groveling at the feet of a person who doesn't need you. You will never be happy with half baked relationship. "

Rachana willed that these two just disappear and leave her alone. Right now all she wanted was to pay for her groceries and go home. Go home and curl up in bed with her fluffy pillow and cry for days. 

As soon as that thought entered Rachana didn't even want to wait till getting her groceries. She just left her trolley at the side and walked out of the store. All the time she was driving back she kept a tight fist of control over her feelings and concentrated with all her energy to just get home. 

Rachana parked her vehicle in the apartment parking and stepped in the lift. She could feel her control slipping. But she wondered where were these two ??!!

As the lift doors opened the sight of him sitting by her door welcomed her. There he was sitting by her door, his long frame folded up, his hands on his knees, his head back at the wall and his eyes were closed. 

Rachana didn't know what to do, what to feel. She stepped out of the lift and as if she had called him, he opened his eyes and looked right at her. Rachana walked up the whole corridor to reach him and all the time his eyes never wavered from her face. He got up languidly, which was quite unusual for him. He was epitome of vigor and vitality. Always full of energy and motion. And there he was unnaturally still.

Rachana wished that those two be with her now. She needed support even Mystery's pessimism was welcome now. She reached him and stood in front of him. 

She was quite small in front of him. He looked down at her, hands in his pocket. He looked like he was in a battle and didn't seem like he had won in any way. 

When he didn't say anything, Rachana walked by him to open her door. As she inserted the key inside the lock he spoke. 

"I miss you"

Rachana's spine straightened up as if something very strong hit her. She was so surprised that she didn't want to look back at him, even though all her senses were screaming to look at him and fold herself in his arms. 

She took a long breath, one, two, three and her senses calmed down a bit. 

She waited for him to continue. When he didn't, she willed herself to open her lock, as the lock clicked open, his baritone voice interrupted again.

"I need you, I .... I need you"

This time she couldn't hold back and turned around. His face looked like he was in pain. His stance was still rigid. It was like he didn't want to say these words but something much stronger pulled it out of him. 

He was not meeting her eyes, but finally when he looked all around her and settled on her face. His eyes softened, he took a stride towards to wipe off her tears.

Rachana didn't even know that she was crying. He wiped off her tears with his thumb, his palm cupped her face for a moment and he step back as if he was burned. His eyes were questioning, a hundred questions, searching her face for answers,

Finally Rachana turned towards her home and opened the door to walk in. She knew he was waiting with bated breath. As she entered her house, she knew what she wanted. 

Rachana turned back towards him, smiling hesitantly and open the door wider, indicating him to come in. Suddenly like a sunshine breaks from between the dark clouds his face lit up with a small smile, which she had come to love.

As he walked in Rachana started to close the door. Just before it closed she saw both of them smiling at her. 


Thursday, January 28, 2016

Confessions - 9 : A proposal..


You just wont believe that I will stay, that I will be there. You just wont believe that our commitment towards each other is nothing less than any "in-love" couple. So to make you understand what you are for me. I would like to get down on one knee and say this.

"The first time we met, I thought you are snob. Thinks so mighty of oneself that we are all not noticeable. But then you smiled at me. That sweet smile made me just levitate towards you. I had no choice but to become attached to you, that is your magnetism. So today I propose to love you, care for you till time turns grey. I will be brutally honest with you and lie to appease you as the time chooses. I will always protect you, always save you from unsavory encounters and people. I will be extremely loyal to you even when we are not together. I will love you even when I hate you and will always leave a way to come back to each other. When you find your love, I will fight the world with you and support you. But if that person is not worthy, then I will fight with you to save you. I want to spend my old days with you by my side, passing snide comments on passersby and just merry in our senility. If I lose my mind before you do I will give all the rights to you to decide about me. Its you I want by my side when Apocalypse strikes. And its you I need when I am so sad that I cant get up. So my dear, today I propose to be your friend for life. Will you be my best friend ??"   

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Confessions of a confused soul - 8



There is a line which is unexpressed but never to be crossed. Every relationship is defined by certain limits, certain untold unexpressed rules. 

You have taken the liberty to cross that many times. But rather than blaming you, I just think I let you cross that line. In a wrong conception that you are being honest with me. That better a honest hurt than a sugarcoated lie. 

But still I am person, person who has emotions, who feels, who loves, who cares and who is hurt. You didn't take that into consideration when you said what you said and did what you did.

You took a beautiful emotion, a heartfelt affection and ridiculed it. I wonder sometimes what made me forgive you all those times when you insulted it, insulted me. Was I so blind to your cruelty ???

Me, who always saw the logic of everything.. How could I not see the logic of staying away from you the first time you humiliated my person. Then I wonder, maybe am not that practical, maybe its a good thing. Because if I had not stayed around, I would have never realized this evil streak in you. I would have always remembered you, missed you and wish with all my heart that we didn't break up. 

I still love you. What I am feeling right now has nothing to do with the fact that I love you and will always love you. Because I still believe that the person I thought I saw in you was not a lie. But I cant let the part that loves you make the whole me into a miserable being who will tolerate the remaining you. 

Because I regretfully accept that there is more than that person in you. Those qualities which I thought were endearing were actually your pride talking. Those words which I thought were highly intellectual were your ego boosting. Those affections I thought which showed you cared about me were actually your way of self - advertising. 

After all this pondering, I still wonder.. I understand I might have misread your expressions, But why did you want to be with me? 

It was like you cant tolerate my presence nor bear to stay away from me. Or was it some sadistic pleasure you got by poking me where it hurt every time? What was it that you got from being with me? You were definitely not misreading my emotions. Which you made quite clear......  Or was I as misleading as you were????

Or am I misreading again.!!!!!

Maybe I am. It feels like our whole relationship is still standing because am not able to let go of you. 

But now, I don't have to worry, overthink or try reading your signals again. Because it is time I walk out of here.  Just because am walking out, doesn't mean I wanted to. But there's only so much a person can take. And I have reached the edge of my patience. 

I wish you happiness in your future without me. But don't even try to be part of mine ever again.

Love you.





Thursday, December 3, 2015

Confessions of a confused soul - 7



" I know what you are thinking. That I always act like this. That I always make a mess and you have to clean it up.

That's not the only version of our relationship you know. You mess up too. More than you can imagine or realize.

Remember the time you got drunk in college party?

What about when you got so jealous of me for winning that stupid debate?

You are not perfect either you know. You have flaws too.

Yeah am lazy. Also have a problem with authority. Maybe I don't listen to you all the time. And its you who always calls not me. But still you are also not perfect.

You are so competitive, I mean you should thank me that I am lazy enough to not compete with you.

You are so girly. Why they hell should your lipstick match your shoes? I can never understand that part - I dont think anybody does.

And why do you get to get angry in every one of our fights. This time its freaking my turn to be angry. I am not going to mop around and wonder how to pacify you.

And am definitely not going to grovel at your feet.



I mean I can ask you sorry once.. Once ok.. because I did get your white shirt stained with coffee.. But that's it once..

And don't even try to cry at me. I am not going to melt this time.

I mean I know you loved that shirt so you are going to cry. But not more than 10 drops ok.

But this fight is going on record that am not the one who messes all the time.

Except I did mess this time.. so...

.......................................................................

Damn !!! I am coming over please forgive me......"






Monday, November 30, 2015

Hold my hand

“Sana, are you ready?” Karan enquired soothingly to his 5 year old daughter. She looked up from her strap on shoes and gave an exasperated look to her father “Dad, this takes time. I need to get it right, don’t I?”

Karan smiled fondly towards his over-smart daughter. Like every Saturday evening he was taking her out to play in the park.  As soon as Sana was ready she jumped and ran towards the door.

Karan followed behind her, his voice getting louder by the word “Sana, don’t run towards the street.” Sana was very patiently standing near the gate smiling back at her dad.

Karan smiled but the words seemed to tug a very old memory of his. He let it go for now and took his daughter to her park. As soon as they entered the park, it was like they had entered Sana’s kingdom, she just very easily let go of him and ran towards her friends.

As Karan let go of her hand, followed her in a brisk pace. He found his usual spot from where he can keep an eye on her and also enjoy the beauty of the park. As soon as he sat, he heard a mother shouting at her son “Don’t run, Please hold my hand”.

Those words tugged at his tucked away memory of long time back. He glanced towards Sana to see her playing and let himself the luxury of drifting down the memory lane.

He could still hear his mother’s voice as he remembered one of the most prominent words of his childhood “Hold my hand”.

Normally it would be a threat “Hold my hand or else ............”. But sometimes he thought he heard an underlying plea of his mother in the threat to hold her hand so that he can be safe. Everytime they left house her first condition would be to hold her hand. And how he enjoyed to disobey that.

Karan remembered feeling caged and getting angry that his mom never let him enjoy any cool things. He smiled to himself wondering if as years went by maybe the plea was still there but she just couldn’t spell it out for him. He remembered that one time when he was all grown up and mom had asked to hold hands. He had looked at her like she is an alien and told her with clenched teeth “mom, don’t embarrass me in front of everybody. Am a big boy now”. 

After that she never asked him to hold her hand. Was it pain he saw in her eyes that day?. Karan shook his head wondering why was he over analyzing this today. But at the same time he couldn’t stop wondering why was it so important for him to stay out of reach from her holding hand. Maybe she was over protective, maybe she feared for him or maybe she just wanted to feel close to him. He didn’t know what to think, but a moment later he justified himself, he was big enough to know the danger, she should have let him grow up independent. He prided himself that he would never do that to Sana, he would let her try every cool stuff and learn from her own mistakes.

He sighed and looked for Sana. For a moment when he didn’t find her, his heart skipped a beat and then he saw her. He let out a breath of relief. He watched her with sharpened focus for a few minutes, she was standing on the small bench leaning down from the edge to guess the depth. 

He jumped up immediately and rushed towards her shouting “Sana... “ He then smiled at himself before chiding his hypocritical mind and extended his hand towards her saying “Wait.... Hold my hand”